


Ray of Sunshine

by petrodobreva



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Drabble, Drabble Collection, Established Relationship, Funny, M/M, Podcast Transcript, Pre-Relationship, Prompt Fill, Ray being his best gossipy self, ray of sunshine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25700389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petrodobreva/pseuds/petrodobreva
Summary: Prompt: Before they’re together, Ray invites Patrick and David to be on his podcast and asks some pointed questions that leave them very flustered.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 66
Kudos: 130





	1. First Interview

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DelilahMcMuffin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DelilahMcMuffin/gifts), [kiranerys42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiranerys42/gifts).



**Ray:** Welcome to _Ray of Sunshine_ , bringing you the latest of headlines, gossip, and out-right slander from our little corner of paradise, Schitt’s Creek. I’m your host, Ray Butani. Today, I have with me in the studio, two very special guests, the proprietors of Rose Apothecary, David Rose and Patrick Brewer! Welcome gentlemen!

 **David:** Hi?

 **Patrick:** Thank you for having us, Ray.

 **Ray:** Now Patrick, not that many people know this. But you and I are actually roommates, aren’t we?

 **Patrick:** I think everybody knows that, Ray.

 **David:** Um. I didn’t!

 **Ray:** There, you see? Not everybody knows. How is that going?

 **Patrick:** Well, Ray. You are not only my roommate, but also my landlord and former employer. So, I’m going to say that it’s going really great! Potential conflicts of interests aside.

 **Ray:** Ha! Excellent. You know, I often say that _conflicts of interest_ are my specialty. Now, David. Everyone knows that you’re the mastermind behind Rose Apothecary. Tell us a little about the store and how you came up with it.

 **David:** [Clears throat] Thank you, Ray. Yes. Rose Apothecary really came about when I was contemplating the wants and needs that I saw in the community. You know, like I thought that people might _want_ an upscale, specifically curated shopping experience. And I also thought that people _needed_ better skincare options—

 **Ray:** —That’s wonderful, David. How nice. Next Question! Tell me about the collaboration between the two of you. How did that come about?

 **Patrick:** Well, Ray. I learned about David’s business model actually right here in this house—

 **Ray:** —Slash-recording studio!

 **Patrick:** Haha, that’s right. House-slash-recording studio. I really became interested in the project right from the beginning, I thought it was a great idea. Then, I got to know David and the store a little more and I approached David with a proposal of partnership, and here we are.

 **Ray:** Yes yes! I remember that. I remember when you got those voicem—

 **David:** —Anyway! I was really happy with Patrick’s…offer and the store really would not be starting out as strong as it is without his contribution. It’s really been a fruitful partnership.

 **Patrick:** Yeah, I’m the numbers guy.

 **David:** And I’m the ideas…person.

 **Ray:** Oh, isn’t that lovely. “A match made in heaven,” you might say?

 **David:** Sure…

 **Ray:** So, David. Tell me. If the two of you have such a _strong_ partnership, why is it only your name on façade?

 **David:** Well, I…

 **Patrick:** …I don’t think that’s—

 **Ray:** You just said, right, the store wouldn’t be the same without Patrick? Why do you think that only your name is out front?

 **David:** Well, first of all—

 **Patrick:** Ray, I think that’s a bit of a leading question? I mean, David named the store long before I came on board.

 **David:** Yeah…

 **Patrick:** And besides, I think Brewer & Rose Apothecary is a bit of a mouthful, don’t you?

 **Ray:** I—

 **David** : Don’t worry, we’ll put Patrick’s name on the next one.

 **Patrick:** Oh.

 **David:** Yes. So, stay tuned for that.

 **Ray:** That’s wonderful, David! That to me sounds like the two of you are really in it for the long-haul, hmm?

 **Patrick:** …

 **David:** …

 **Ray:** …

 **Patrick:** We are both very much committed to the store and making it something really special for the town and the community. We’re planning some events—

 **Ray:** Yes yes yes. But I want to know more about this _partnership._ None of us were expecting it, you know. It came as quite a shock to many of our listeners. This may, actually, be a perfect time to move to questions from our audience.

 **David:** Oh, we did not anticipate—

 **Ray:** —I announced earlier this week via Twitter, Facebook, and the town message board that we would shortly be recording _Ray of Sunshine_ with special guests David Rose and Patrick Brewer of Rose Apothecary. Our first question comes from Gwen in Schitt’s Creek. Gwen asks, “What do you have against Christmas?”

 **David:** [Sigh] Next question?

 **Ray:** Okay. That’s fine. Just one moment. Ah, yes. This next question also comes from Gwen in—

 **David:** Nope. Next!

 **Ray:** All right! Here we go. _This_ question comes from Jocelyn in Schitt’s Creek. Jocelyn asks, “What was your first date like?”

 **Patrick:** Oh we—

 **David:** —We’re not…

 **Patrick:** —We haven’t had one.

 **Ray:** What? You mean you’ve just [claps hands] partnered up? Just like that?

 **David:** We’re not _partners_ like that. We’re partners like—

 **Patrick:** Business partners.

 **Ray:** Oh, I see. Well, Jocelyn. I’m sorry to disappoint but it looks like these two are going to keep those details close to their chests. This next question comes from Roland in Schitt’s Creek. Roland asks, “Can the foot cream also be used as a personal lubricant?”

 **Patrick:** Okay, thank you, Ray!

 **David:** Yeah, I think we’re done here.

 **Ray:** Thank you for listening to _Ray of Sunshine_. This episode was brought to you by Ray Butani Real Estate, LLC and Ray Butani Photography, LLC and Ray Butani Consulting, LLC and Ray Butani Closet Organization, LLC and Ray Butani Matchmaking, LLC and Ray Butani Travel, LLC. Thank you so much to all of our sponsors. We’ll see you next week. Ciao!


	2. Advertisement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from kiranerys42: Patrick tries to convince David that RA should run podcast ads.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“But David, Ray actually has pretty impressive listener statistics.”

“No.”

“But the only other businesses he advertises are his own so we would virtually be the only ad that the listeners will get.”

“No.”

“He’s willing to cut us a deal. It would be a lot of bang for our buck.”

“No.”

“David, podcast advertising works!”

“I’m sorry. Does podcast advertising really work, or does it just work on you?”

“You _like_ our matching MeUndies.”

“Why you would rather take undergarment advice from someone named Juice MackLeroy over that of your boyfriend—who once advised Maya Lin on lingerie, by the way—is beyond me.”

“While I do want to ask you more about that, I will not let it detract from the conversation at hand. Investing a small percentage of our advertising budget on an ad spot on Ray of Sunshine is a good idea.”

“It’s not happening.”

“Give me one good reason.”

“I’ll give you two good reasons. One, it’s Ray. Two, it’s Ray’s podcast. Nowhere in our branding is there room for association with gossip about Bob’s BDSM journey or long, drawn-out interviews with the crossing guard outside the senior center.”

“Come on, David. What’s the worst that could happen?”

…

Ray: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Ray of Sunshine. Mr. Hockley, thank you so much for joining us to talk about the slow food movement, battling mother nature, and your ongoing battle to deregulate marijuana usage and production. This episode was brought to you by Rose Apothecary. Oh, dear Mr. Hockley, Rose Apothecary is one of your distributors, is it not?

Mr. Hockley: They used to be a distributor, but unfortunately, they have a stick up their asses. We parted ways due to irreconcilable differences.”

…

Ray: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Ray of Sunshine. Doris, thank you so much for joining us today and sharing about your ongoing struggle with eyeball psoriasis. This episode was brought to you by Rose Apothecary—

Doris: Rose Apothecary! That's where I got my rash! It was their horrible perfume!

…

Ray: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Ray of Sunshine. Tara, it was wonderful to have you. I think we are all better informed about the struggles of balancing motherhood and small business ownership. This episode was brought to you by Rose Apothecary, your one-stop-shop for locally sourced, one-of-a-kind, specially curated skin care, foodstuffs, apparel, and household goods.

Tara: I love Rose Apothecary. If it wasn’t for their massage oils, I would have had to have surgery on my inverted nipples.

Ray: Oh! That is very good to know. You heard it here first, dear listeners. Head over to Rose Apothecary in downtown Schitt’s Creek for all of your nipple related needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Hockley, Doris, and Tara are all canon characters. Mr. Hockley grows the tea for RA that turns out to probably be drugs. Doris is a patient of Ted's with illness anxiety. Tara is a businesswoman who attends Ronnie's networking meetings. Thank you to houdini74 for help with the minor canon characters!
> 
> All the jokes above are the product of my insistent desire to write this at 1 am. These are 1 am jokes. That's all I can say about it.
> 
> If you want to read any other snippets from Ray of Sunshine, drop a prompt and I may write it!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @imargaery on Tumblr


End file.
